It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.

Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

That is the Wasp, yes. But it was captured by Black Stache, and he’s coming for this ship now.” “And how do you know that?” asked Slank. “Did a seagull tell you?” This brought chuckles from the crew. Something like that, thought Peter.

I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body.

I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. I have actually worn bell-bottomed jeans.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.