A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

I never start a section of the story without knowing how it will end. I also consciously try to shape the story as though it were a movie.

Far too often, we fathers avoid the subject because it's so awkward. The subject I am referring to is: buying gifts for women. This is an area where many men do not have a clue. Exhibit A was my father, who was a very thoughtful man, but who once gave my mother, on their anniversary, the following token of his love, his commitment, and-yes-his passion for her: an electric blanket.

During bomb drills, we students were told to crouch under our desks. Apparently the desks used in classrooms in the fifties were made of an exceptionally missile-resistant variety of wood. During the Cold War years I often wondered why it never occurred to our defense planners to protect the entire nation from nuclear attack by simply covering it, from sea to shining sea, with a huge Strategic Classroom Desk.

Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You."

As the saying goes: "If you're not part of the solution, you're a newspaper columnist."