A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call.

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal in the world, with a speed of 120 mph, is a cow dropped out of a helicopter.

People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people try their hand at this demanding profession (humor columnist). After a few months, almost all of them have given up and gone back to the ninth grade.

We kids feared many things in those days - werewolves, dentists, North Koreans, Sunday School - but they all paled in comparison with Brussels sprouts.

We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.

Don't emphasise money if you don't have much; be happy