I don't have any insight or understanding on anything about the government. All I think is that it's stupid - which is the one perspective that's almost completely lacking in Washington.

...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars AND watch television. If he ever dies and goes to heaven, it's going to be a big let down.

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating.

Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong.

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

You cannot paint the exterior of your house. You have to take the paint chip down to show the paint-chip Nazis.

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.