Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

I haven't been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.

The Democrats believe that if God did not want them to raise taxes, He would not have created the Internal Revenue Service.

Never lick a steak knife.

Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is 'the most articulate vegetable ever.'

Elsewhere in Italy is the lovely city of Venice, which each year attracts millions of visitors despite the fact that it is basically an enormous open sewer.

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other.