The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is.

I do some of my best reading while seated in the bathroom.

There was nowhere to sit except the bunk, which was covered with rotting food, and a wooden stool, upon which sat a large fur-covered lump—an old cheese, perhaps, or a dead cat.

It's a real smug self-righteous punk kid saying nobody has the right to tell him what to do and how dare you put a sign up saying that I can't go on your property?

I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.