When Prince Charles speaks, everybody pretends to be fascinated, even though he has never said anything interesting except in that intercepted telephone conversation wherein he expressed the desire to be a feminine hygeine product.

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.

A secret society within a secret society.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.

[There is] a breed of fashion models