You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?

I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.

Like many members of the uncultured, Cheez-It consuming public, I am not good at grasping modern art.

Congress is thinking about eliminating a federal program under which scientists broadcast signals to Alien beings. This would be a large mistake. Alien beings have atomic blaster death cannons. You cannot cut off their federal programs as if they were merely poor people.

The Hawaiian Islands were discovered by hardy Polynesian sailors, who crossed thousands of miles of open ocean in primitive canoes, braving violent storm-tossed seas for months at a time. My family and I arrived by modern commercial aviation, which was infinitely worse.