I've never actually given birth to a child, but I suspect that going to a Justin Bieber concert with a child is close.

They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing to eat English food, much of which was designed and manufactured in medieval times during the reign of King Walter the Mildly Disturbed.

Too many rocks in the mountains.

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

When my generation was your age, we took crazy risks. The wildest thing was - prepare to be shocked - we deliberately ingested carbohydrates!

The population of earth has reached 7 billion people, every single one of whom send you irritating emails to join something called "LinkedIn."

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.