When doctors describe pain as experiencing "discomfort," it's like saying Hiroshima experienced "urban renewal".

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.

Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

Land!” shouted Thomas. “Is there food?” asked Tubby Ted.

The one thing I'm terrified of trying to write about is sex. I mean my God, my wife might read it or my daughter might read it or my son might read it, so no, I've never really written about eroticism at all.

You can say any fool thing to a dog and the dog will just give you this look that says, 'My GOSH, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!

If you answered, ''Spin the Bottle,'' then I frankly do not want to know any more about your childhood.