When doctors describe pain as experiencing "discomfort," it's like saying Hiroshima experienced "urban renewal".

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.

When I read that I had to go to Gettysburg.

SAT tests are designed by huge panels of experts in education and psychology who work for years to design tests in which not one single question measures any bit of knowledge that anyone might actually need in the real world. We should applaud kids for getting lower scores.

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

It's very slow for me to create humor. It takes me a long time to write a humor piece. It takes days.