In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain.

Nature is located mainly in national parks, which are vast tracts of wilderness that have been set aside by the United States government so citizens will always have someplace to go where they can be attacked by bears. And we're not talking about ordinary civilian bears, either: We're talking about federal bears, which can behave however they want to because they are protected by the same union as postal clerks.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

He's a boating enthusiast, although that phrase seems too weak to describe the level of his interest, kind of like describing someone as a heroin fancier.

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.