...Terry Jackson, who is the Miami Herald's automotive writer and TV critic. That's correct: This man gets paid to drive new cars AND watch television. If he ever dies and goes to heaven, it's going to be a big let down.

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place. The guy in the place with the thing, you know. And it becomes this game of charades. And then finally, we realize that I mean the Pope.

Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State."

There shall be a National Anthem containing incomprehensible words and a high note that normal humans cannot hit without risk of hernia.

I guess the negative thing that happens to me is that I'm old now. They said there was a generation I was too young for and now some will say there's probably 10 generations I'm too old for. They'll say, isn't he dead or retired or whatever? Or it just becomes fashionable to say "Oh he's not funny anymore," which, I don't know, maybe to them I'm not. I'm more likely to hear that now than I am to hear that I'm unacceptably risqué.