I really try to think cinematically, because that's how people read. They create a theater in their minds.

I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in the race. I'm an extremely corrupt candidate and I stress that in case anybody in our reading audience is interested in sending me money.

Editorials are written by people who have agreed to have several strong opinions a day and to write them down, provided they do not have to sign their names.

With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and they can be as long as I want them to be.

If Peter was nine, and a new boy came to St. Norbert’s Home for Wayward Boys who said he was ten, why, then, Peter would declare himself eleven. Also, he could spit the farthest. That made him the undisputed leader.

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.

Can we move this conversation along, I'm getting frightfully tired of 'hoa'.