Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.

Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

You should definitely have a travel agent. Why go through all the hassle of dealing with airlines, hotels, and rental-car agencies yourself, only to see the arrangements get all screwed up, when with just a single phone call you can have a trained professional screw them up for you?

Cats are independent, by which I mean smart.

I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War.