Palestinian and Israeli leaders finally recover the Road Map to Peace, only to discover that, while they were looking for it, the Lug Nuts of Mutual Interest came off the Front Left Wheel of Accommodation, causing the Sport Utility Vehicle of Progress to crash into the Ditch of Despair.

I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).

The great thing about golf - and this is the reason why a lot of health experts like me recommend it - you can drink beer and ride in a cart while you play.

For Dad, the perfect Father's Day would be one in which he didn't even realize that it was Father's Day, because nobody was making him appreciate gifts he didn't want, or read greeting cards filled with lame Father's Day poetry.

I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems.