Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

In my experience, if you go to a hospital for any reason whatsoever, including to read the gas meter, they give you a tetanus shot.

The scrub sink...is the place where doctors wash their hands after they operate so that they won't get flecks of your vital organs on their Lexus upholstery.

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or they should at least both be fairly dark.

The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.

Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.

I think Superman should go on the Larry King show and announce that he would come back to life if people in all 50 states wanted him to.