Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.

Are we ever going to have a federal tax system that regular people can understand?

I was reading this James Bond book, and right away I realized that, like most books, it had too many words.

Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong.

The first animals to be successfully domesticated were dogs, which were a big help because they would bark all night and fetch thrown sticks, thereby freeing humans from having to perform these tedious yet vital tasks.

Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.