Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations.

For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that . . .

Do not put this product in a big vat and drop rats into it from a cat-walk.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.

Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.