Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

I read "Remembrance of Things Past" in the original French. I never start the day without reading me some [Marcel] Proust.

Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture finished and put inside boxes.

A secret society within a secret society.

You know how on the evening news they always tell you that the stock market is up in active trading, or off in moderate trading, or trading in mixed activity, or whatever. Well, who gives a