We should just get somebody from the left and the right and they should all throw bumper stickers at each other and the first one to cover the other one wins.

The best thing about me is there are no skeletons.

I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.

I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't believe it? You believe that I didn't do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I'm going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what's described as a 'joke.' Um, I'll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.

I really don't have a problem with gay marriage... because I'm tolerant and rational.

I do lots of other drugs but I smoke pot maybe 5-10 times a year now. I used to smoke it all the time, but I don't, and I haven't for awhile. That's just because it makes me - and I'm not saying this about everybody else - but it makes me kind of dumb and self-conscious.