Music journalists love Elvis Costello and hate me because they look like Elvis Costello

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

Classic Van Halen made people want to dance and f**k. Modern Van Halen makes you want to drink milk and drive foreign cars.

The only thing I'm allergic to is criticism.

Many of the critics have kids of their own. It scares the hell out of them to think that their kids could be anything remotely like David Lee Roth.

You know what rock musicians are? They are hung up, neurotic, over-weight hippies with sex problems.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.