One of the remarkable things about being 19 is that you can break open a case of warm beer at midnight and still be wide-eyed and alert for your eight-a.m. class. And that gave me the false impression that my life would always be like that.

Love: You can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun.

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.

One day you're the leader of Iraq, the next day you're being checked for fleas on Fox News.

The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

Rick Perry has now accused Mitt Romney of hiring illegal aliens to work on his hair.