Night clubs scare me. They're dark and they stink and they're dangerous and everybody's drunk.
David LettermanThe Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.
David LettermanThere was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.
David LettermanTrump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.
David Letterman