During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right there. You betcha!

I heard this rumor that al Qaeda is merging with Hamas. Yeah, I got that tip from Martha Stewart.

The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.

Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.

Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern.

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.