Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

Keep in mind that your individual vote doesn't mean anything.

All comedians are preoccupied with one thing and with one thing only-themmm-selllves. It's a horrible lot in life.

Now in Utah if you get the death sentence, they have the firing squad. In Russia, they call that early retirement.

Do good things for other people.

The ayatollah in Iran says he believes that he got the letter, but he thinks he accidentally threw it out with his Crate & Barrel catalog.