I heard some good news today, the FBI and the CIA are going to start cooperating. They are going to start working together. And if you don't know the difference between the FBI and the CIA, the FBI bungles domestic crime, the CIA bungles foreign crime.

I'm still here. I knocked off another competitor.

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It's the same thing that is happening to Hillary.

I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad.

So they caught Gadhafi in a storm sewer and shot him. Or as they call it in the Middle East, an orderly transfer of power.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.