There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.

You've got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss.

Now there are reports that Osama bin Laden would like to commit suicide on television. This is the kind of lead-in I have been praying for every since I came to CBS. Bin Laden is planning a televised suicide or, as I call it, hosting the Academy Awards.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

Arnold is now the front runner. Everyone was snickering about it a month ago, now it looks like he will be the next governor of California. He is so confident he has already chosen a body oil for the inauguration.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

I heard this rumor that al Qaeda is merging with Hamas. Yeah, I got that tip from Martha Stewart.