Do you remember the good ol' days when Congress was only unsafe if you were an intern.

Last Halloween I ran out of candy and I had to give the kids nicotine gum.

Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.

There's some kind of a thing where when she was Secretary of State she was using her own e-mail instead of the State Department, and I thought finally, a Clinton scandal the entire family can enjoy.

The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'

Texas Senator Ted Cruz announced he is running for president. Ted Cruz was born in Canada, his father fled to the United States from Cuba, and yet Ted Cruz is against immigration. Isn't that odd?

The Russian economy is tanking. It's gotten so bad that today Vladimir Putin had to pawn his stolen Super Bowl ring. And Putin will finance his next invasion on Kickstarter.