John McCain turned 72 years old last Friday, but the Chinese are making him a birth certificate that says he's only 33 and then he'll be ready to go.

CBS News finally received anthrax in the mail. As usual, we're number three.

Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

Political pundits are saying President George W. Bush has made gains in two key states: dazed and confused.

There's a rumor that President George Bush had a nose job, that he had some kind of plastic surgery, that he actually had a nose job. If this is true, that's the first new job he's created since taking office.

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.