Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble.

Privately I think that I'm not really somebody who has a network television show. Celebrities are other people - Johnny Carson and Sylvester Stallone. I'm just a kid trying to make a living is the way I feel.

When I stopped smoking cigars it was the biggest mistake I made in my life. So my resolution for 98 is Im going to start smoking cigars again. I gave them up about a year and a half ago, and I now realize that it may have been my one last fun, interesting thing to do.

They found a scrapbook with photos of Osama bin Laden from the '90s, and they're studying each and every photo very, very closely. My favorite shot of Osama bin Laden was right between the eyes.

Due to budget crunches, Bush has had to scale some of the programs. He has a new program, 'Leave A Couple of Kids Behind.'

Tim Tebow may be back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. As you remember, he was thrown out of the league when he landed his gyrocopter on the White House lawn.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. In honor of Cinco de Mayo, mayor Bill de Blasio is filling all New York City potholes with guacamole.