It’s up to you, not fate. True. But it was also up to Lily. That was the trickiest part.

She is my first and only love. Most people know that their first love will not be their only love. But for me, she is both.

Belonging. Togetherness. These words are as complicated and confusing as the word love. It’s probably all the same thing. Or it would be if we let it be. I can only guess from observation.

I will never have a photograph of her to carry around in my pocket. I will never have a letter in her handwriting, or a scrap-book of everything we've done. I will never share an apartment with her in the city. I will never know if we are listening to the same song at the same time. We will not grow old together. I will not be the person she calls when she's in trouble. She will not be the person I call when I have stories to tell. I will never be able to keep anything she's given to me.

Be careful what you're doing, because no one is ever who you want them to be.

I'm not a very happy person," I told him."But sometimes I can trick myself into thinking I am.

And just like that, the universe goes wrong. Just like that, all the enormity seems to shrink into a ball and float away from my reach. I feel it, and she doesn't. Or I feel it, and she won't.