But I want to feel like life matters. I had something real with you, but then the realness scared me. I decided to go for other things instead.

I find I very rarely live up to my words. And since you know me primarily through my words, there are oh so many ways I can disappoint.

anchor, v.: I drift, I drift, I drift, you stay.

I have become very good at clearing histories.

Measure the hope of that moment, that feeling. Everything else will be measured against it.

And I told you: I think of a photograph you took of me, up in Montreal. You told me to jump in the air, so in the picture, my feet are off the ground. Later, I asked you why you wanted me to do that, and you told me it was the only way to get me to forget about the expression on my face. You were right. I am completely unposed, completely genuine. In my mind’s eye, I picture myself like that, reacting to you.

Gone is not forgotten, but our lives cannot be a memorial. This city cannot be a memorial. This city has to be a city. Our lives have to be our lives.