The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear.
David SedarisThe combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live.
David SedarisUp close the city constitutes an oppressive series of staircases, but from a distance it inspires fantasies of wealth and power so profound that even our communists are temporarily rendered speechless.
David SedarisI am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search the train station for a serial rapist and I cover my face with a newspaper, wondering if maybe I did it in my sleep. The last thing I stole was an eight-track tape, but to this day I'm unable to enter a store without feeling like a shoplifter. It's all the anxiety with none of the free stuff.
David SedarisWhen forced to leave my house for an extended period of time, I take my typewriter with me, and together we endure the wretchedness of passing through the X-ray scanner. The laptops roll merrily down the belt, while Iโm instructed to stand aside and open my bag. To me it seems like a normal enough thing to be carrying, but the typewriterโs declining popularity arouses suspicion and I wind up eliciting the sort of reaction one might expect when traveling with a cannon. Itโs a typewriter,โ I say. โYou use it to write angry letters to airport security.
David Sedaris