The difference between writing where you know where to draw the line and writing where you're being way too mean is whether you can tell that the writer is not talking to family or friends anymore. Generally, if you say something bad about somebody on stage, you need to say two bad things about yourself. A lot of times, I think I'm the worst person in the room.

I think it's good to have the alone time. Well, I kind of have to, because I have to be alone in order to work, so I have alone time. And then I go on tour and I have being-around-people time.

I see you that have a little swimming mouse

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

Paul Rudnick is a champion of truth (and love and great wicked humor) whom we ignore at our peril.

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

Snowball just leads elves on, elves and Santas. He is playing a dangerous game.