I rejected the word humorist for a long time because I thought that it meant you had, like, a cardigan sweater with patches on the elbows, but now I'm old and I do. I grew into that word. I think at heart, all this time, I've been a diarist. I'm not ashamed of it.

On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.

I see you that have a little swimming mouse

I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.

Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.