My first semester I had only nine students. Hoping they might view me as professional and well prepared, I arrived bearing name tags fashioned in the shape of maple leaves.

I started writing when I was twenty. My first book came out when I was thirty-five. But I never expected that it would happen quickly.

When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.

In my dream world gay people in America would get the right to marry, and not a one of them would use that right.

You know, when you need drugs and you don't have a lot of money, what you'll do is you'll hang out with people who will give you drugs. Right?

Performance is really an important part of how I edit. I sometimes take something out because I realize I put in a joke just to be funny and the audience laughed, but I should be ashamed of myself. I sometimes take out sentences, which are perfectly fine on paper, just because they don't flow when I say them out loud. I always read my work out loud now.

I'd always thought that I understood this, but lately I realize that what I call "understanding" is basically just fantasizing.