In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, "Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl."
David SedarisA good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.
David SedarisIf I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.
David SedarisShe said, โIโm going to have you fired.โ I had two people say that to me today, โIโm going to have you fired.โ Go ahead, be my guest. Iโm wearing a green velvet costume; it doesnโt get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are? Iโm going to have you fired!โ and I wanted to lean over and say, โIโm going to have you killed.
David SedarisHis embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake. I didn't want to touch these people's hands or see things from their point of view, I just wanted to continue hating them. So I kept my mouth shut and stared off into space.
David Sedaris