Across town, over in the East Village, the graffiti was calling for the rich to be eaten, imprisoned, or taxed out of existence. Though it sometimes seemed like a nice idea, I hoped the revolution would not take place during my lifetime. I didn't want the rich to go away until I could at least briefly join their ranks.
David SedarisThe message was that if something is free, you should only take the best. If, on the other hand, you're forced to pay, it's best to lower the bar and not be so choosy.
David SedarisThe humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.
David SedarisI had paid for my folly and, as a reward, was invited to take part in the nest builderโs performance piece. The script was great. โWhen I bleat here, do you want me to just bleat or to really let go and โbleat, bleatโ?โ I asked. โI feel like โbleat, bleating,โ but if Mother/Destroyer is going to be crawling through the birth canal of concertina wire, I donโt want to steal focus, you know what I mean?
David SedarisHis embarassment would have pleased me, but once he recovered, there would be that awkward period that sometimes culminates in a handshake. I didn't want to touch these people's hands or see things from their point of view, I just wanted to continue hating them. So I kept my mouth shut and stared off into space.
David SedarisI would start by writing to an adult, maybe a high school teacher, or maybe an aunt or uncle, and writing and telling them why you want to go to a particular university. That's probably what you would actually sound like. Then write your letter to the university, and put those 2 versions in front of you, and look at the difference between those 2 things.
David Sedaris