If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?

It's hard to love a place that's outlawed smoking but finds it perfectly acceptable to serve raw fish in a bath of chocolate.

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

At first, writing for The New Yorker was very scary to me. I couldn't imagine anything that I would write in that typeface.

One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here in England, but no one's going to have a sign in front of their house. Nobody's going to wear buttons. And in France, same thing. In America I like that people have signs and buttons and bumper stickers. Sometimes you'll smile at someone from a distance, then you'll get up close and you'll see their pin, and you're like, "Oh my god. I wasted a smile on you?"

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.