If you stepped out of the shower and saw a leprechaun standing at the base of your toilet, would you scream, or would you innately understand that he meant you no harm?

Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

I won't put in a load of laundry, because the machine is too loud and would drown out other, more significant noises - namely, the shuffling footsteps of the living dead.

I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.

...clatter of a typwriter suggests that you're actually building something.

What's strange is, the people who want to be in the position are never asked to be in the position. Like, if you don't want to do something, then people really want you to do it. And the more you say, "No, really, I'm sorry, it's really not for me," the more they want to convince you that it is, in fact, for you, and that you'd be absolutely perfect.