I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives.

I don't like travelling if I know I have to write about it.

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

Neighbors would pass, and when they honked I'd remember that I was in my Speedo. Then I'd wrap my towel like a skirt around my waist and remind my sisters that this was not girlish but Egyptian, thank you very much.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.

I giggled out loud at his stupidity. If anyone knew how to make a bed, it was a faggot.

All of a sudden, when you're exposed to a large audience, they think you just started writing that day, but I started years before. I look back at things I wrote then and I'm so embarrassed - the writing seems so blocky and choppy to me and I wouldn't have wanted success any sooner because the writing was even worse.