I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met.

I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives.

Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight along with six to eight black men. They might put some candy in your shoes, they might stuff you into a sack and take you to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know for sure, but we want you to be prepared." This was the reward for living in the Netherlands. As a child you get to hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat it.

Most people, or at least most of the people that I've come into contact with, would like to be written about.

Sometimes you read something and it's just -- it doesn't invite a reader....Sometimes you read something and it's not saying, 'oh come in, come in have a seat. I'm going to tell you what happened.' Perhaps my writing comes off as conversational...and that takes effort.

A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.

I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.