I've never made up events, but I've always been a big exaggerator. It's written on my humorist license that I'm allowed to do that.

They're hungry for something they know nothing about, but we, we know all too well that the price of fame is the loss of privacy.

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

Now I don't drink, and I get up in the morning and I write in my diary, and I can write in my diary for hours if I feel like it. And I'm still sober so I can write the stories that I'm working on, and I can sit at the desk as long as I need to. So that changed a lot, I think.

If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve.

No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.

There seemed to be some correlation between devotion to God and a misguided zeal for marshmallows.