When I was a teenager, I was so dumb my mamma knocked me off the porch with a broom. You wish you had so good a mamma.

There are all kinds of smiles. On the football field I mostly used the one where the hawk spots the dove.

Somebody told me when Abe Lincoln was a young man, studying by firelight, he said, "I will work hard. I will prepare myself. And my time will come." And you know, that's exactly what I said about myself and football - What do you think? Were Abe and I both just lucky ducks?

Know the difference between famous and great.

Anytime you go upside a man's head - or a woman - then they have a tendency to blink they eyes. Or close they eyes.

When I see guys huddling up after the game, to pray, that’s what scares me about the game. I’m a Baptist, but I’m also a quarterback killer, and I ain’t praying with you. But I will give you 30 seconds to ask your Lord and master to keep me from killing you.

How can you possibly be sympathetic to every fool on the planet? Just the other day, I heard a man whining about his hopeless love of cross-dressing. Call me unenlightened, but I started to laugh.