Love can come when you're already who you are, when you're filled with you. Not when you look to someone else to fill the empty space.
Deb CalettiYou can forget that other people carry pieces of your own story around in their heads. I've always thought--put together all those random pieces form everyone who's ever known you from your parents to the guy who once sat next to you on a bus, and you'd probably see a fuller version of your life than you even did while living it.
Deb CalettiMaybe love, too, is beautiful because it has a wildness that cannot be tamed. I don't know. All I know is that passion can take you up like a house of cards in a tornado, leaving destruction in its wake. Or it can let you alone because you've built a stone wall against it, set out the armed guards to keep it from touching you. The real trick is not to let it in, but to hold on. To understand that the heart is as wide and vast as the universe, but that we come to know it best from here, this place is gravity and stability, where out feet can still touch ground.
Deb CalettiYou look so good," I say, and s***! Oh god, that's not what I meant. S***! "It looks good. The book.
Deb CalettiYou โฆ You had always made the future feel safe. As long as you were in it too, beside me, I could be okay.
Deb CalettiLove." She looked at me with those blue eyes. "Isn't it astonishing how confused and complicated such a small,simple word is? It attracts so many other things, doesn't it, that stick to it like barnacles on rock...fear, guilt. Need. You can't even see the rock anymore. I imagine love in its purest form is a rare thing.
Deb CalettiAt the root of every large struggle in life is the need to be honest about something that we do not feel we can be honest about. We lie to ourselves or other people because the truth might require action on our part, and action requires courage. We say we โdonโt knowโ what is wrong, when we do know what is wrong; we just wish we didnโt. Art lets us tell the truth, but even art can be something to hide behind.
Deb CalettiIn the two months I had also dated Justin Fellowes, this guy in my Spanish class, though after three weeks we decided we should "see other people," which in my case was a joke, but it beat hearing him remark on everything I ate. 'I don't know why girls are always on a diet,' he'd say when I ordered a Diet Coke, and 'You should watch your starch intake' when I had a muffin.
Deb CalettiA person shows signs of clutching on too fast, of being needy, of not hearing the word "no," of jealousy, of guarding you and your freedom. But the signs can be so small they skitter right past you. Sometimes they dance past, looking satiny, something you should applaud. Someone's jealousy can make you feel good. Special. But it's not even about you. It's about a hand that is already gripping. It's about their need, circling around your throat
Deb CalettiMaybe a person's world can grow bigger in all the right ways, not too wide that it becomes shallow, just large enough to preserve its depth.
Deb CalettiI'll tell you one thing about me, and that is that I'm not to keen on being bossed around. If, say, my Mom tells me to empty the dishwasher, I like to wait a little bit, you know, not hop up and do it right away, because then it feels more like my own idea. That's a little problematic when you have an actual boss.
Deb CalettiBut, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet.
Deb CalettiOr so we don't think about how we're just vulnerable specks trying to survive on a violent, tumultuous planet, at the mercy of hurricanes and volcanoes and asteroids and terrorists and disease and a million other things. We concentrate on having little thoughts so we don't have BIG THOUGHTS. . . . You've got to ignore the one big truth - life is fatal.
Deb CalettiYou could put your confusion and upset and worries into whatever book you were reading. You could sort of set them down in there, and you could come out with your head on a little straighter. I don't why stories worked that way, but they did.
Deb CalettiYou've got to say what you mean and mean what you say...Doubt in your voice is an open door people will shove right through.
Deb CalettiWe can get so wrapped up in our own misconceptions that we miss the simple beauty of the truth.
Deb CalettiIn the middle of the night I am awakened by a sound. I sit up abruptly in bed. I hear it again. It's music. Wait, it sounds like the ice cream man, in our house. Is this some kind of twisted nightmare? The flipping ice cream man, breaking in to chop us all up in our beds to the tune of 'Zippity Do Dah'?... My heart slows. I remember. There is no psycho ice cream man here. It is just our new musical soap dispenser.
Deb CalettiAlthough I love snow, it messes things up terribly around Seattle, with all of our hills. I worry about my loved ones driving.
Deb CalettiI was a book lover from the beginning. I loved, love, words and images and ideas, the ways a book can make you feel things deeply or help you understand something you never even knew there were words for.
Deb CalettiOne of the hardest tasks as a human being is knowing when to keep an open mind, and when not to.
Deb CalettiLove is ease, love is comfort, love is support and respect. Love is not punishing or controlling. Love lets you grow and breathe. Love's passion is only good passion -- swirling-leaves-on-a-fall-day passion, a-sky-full-of-magnificent-stars passion -- not angst and anxiety. Love is not hurt and harm. Love is never unsafe. Love is sleeping like puzzle pieces. It's your own garden you protect; it's a field of wildflowers you move about in both freely and together.
Deb CalettiSo I forcibly shove aside my prickles of pissed-off, which is easier than it sounds when millions of little sequined caffeine dancers are doing their big Broadway number on your internal stage. (Page 173)
Deb CalettiFunny the only two times we use the phrase "seeing someone" are when we are referring to being in a a relationship or getting psychological help.
Deb CalettiI finally learned that it was all right to say something wasnโt working for me when it wasnโt working. The world doesnโt come crashing down when you speak the truth.
Deb CalettiBecoming a YA author was actually a very lucky accident. When I wrote the Queen of Everything, I thought it was a book for adults.
Deb CalettiOnyx is angry," Damian says. "Onyx has a right to be angry. You've got to remember, for many elephants, their life is that of a human in a war-torn country. Ravaged homes, killed relatives, separation," Damian says. Here's another thing I've learned over two months--every elephants here has a sad story. Every captive elephant's story is one of loss and separation. Something to remember every time you see happy people getting elephant rides.
Deb CalettiThis is just one of those annoying and unjust differences between you and your younger sibling...I was probably fifteen before I could go to a friend's house without giving mom an FBI dossier on the people; Bex can practically hitchhike on the freeway with a mere "Have fun, honey.
Deb CalettiStories took twists and turns down fairy-tale paths or down very human everyday ones. You think youโre at the end of the book, and itโs only the end of a chapter.
Deb CalettiIt makes you realize how basically everything we do comes down to a) mating or b) competing for resources. Itโs just like Animal Planet, only weโve got Cover Girl and Victoriaโs Secret instead of colored feathers and fancy markings, and the violence occurs at the Nordstromโs Half-Yearly Sale.
Deb CalettiSometimes you build up these walls, you build and you build and you build up these walls and you think theyโre so strong, but then someone can come along and tip them over with only his fingers, or the weight of his breath.
Deb CalettiThe hope was, people like me got to finally find our place in college or in the actual world. People who understood this told you that high school wasn't the actual world, that it was more like a temporary alternate reality you were forced to believe in for four years. A video game you played, where you could never get to the next level no matter how hard you tried.
Deb Caletti