I certainly know guys in comedy, I know some actors, and I definitely know some musicians, who have survived to a certain age and make a good living doing what they do, but nobody knows who they are. They wake up every day and they have the ability to get paid practicing their art, but underneath it all, if you scratched the surface, you still get, "If I only had my own show . . .," or "If I only had my own band . . ." It's what people always do when they want to be their own star.

I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice.

I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate.

I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy.

I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles.

I'd love to play in a Red Sox game. It would be so awesome to actually walk out on the field and play, just for one inning. I'd also steal everything I could get my hands on in the clubhouse, which is why they won't let me do it.

If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while.