Loud, stupid and overeating will suffice as long as we also have the funny, the fierce and the intellectual

My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be.

Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection.

All knowledge is ultimately rooted in metaphorical (or analogical) modes of perception and thought.

I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff.

Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.

My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave.