What I've learned is that life is too short and movies are too long.

Marriage is like a dull meal with the dessert at the beginning.

I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.

The best pitch I ever heard about cocaine was back in the early eighties when a street dealer followed me down the sidewalk going: I got some great blow man. I got the stuff that killed Belushi.

I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?

When I become president, all you assholes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!

Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter.