Firefighters don't go on strike.
I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word.
When I become president, all you assholes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!
I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan.
My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.
Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.