Everybody's vying for people's attention in terms of eyeballs, earholes, and dollars.

My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance.

I studied acting in school and then of course couldn't get an acting job.

I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles.

Is it possible to get a cup of coffee-flavored coffee anymore in this country? What happened with coffee? Did I miss a meeting? They have every other flavor but coffee-flavored coffee. They have mochaccino, frappaccino, cappuccino, al pacino...Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup.

I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor.

Sin is in, and so we begin.