Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you incessantly boring and uncool.

Everyone should have an evil secret plan.

I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album.

I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice.

I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God.

Hockey's my favorite sport.

I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while.