There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks . . . to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't.

I'm one of the people that when I wake up I have to do what I do. It's not like I want to do it. I kind of have to do it.

I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!

I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

I have good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!