George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.

I eat meat because meat tastes like murder, and murder tastes pretty dam good!

Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York.

My primary reason for bringing my son on was to have a voice on the show [Sex&Drugs&Rock&Roll] that would bring a 25 or 26 year old point of view to it, and my son is very capable of writing that stuff.

When I become president, all you assholes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!

Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do.