Branson, Missouri, is Vegas for people with no teeth.

I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends.

I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something.

If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!

Some people like M&Ms plain, and some people like them with nuts.

That secondary provides worse coverage than a Guatemalan HMO.

For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.